Thursday, March 1, 2007

Captain Poopy Pants and his Hurling Assistant

My husband is a very sensitive man...I don't mean with emotions (although, he tries to be "tough" and "manly" but deep down he is a softy), but I am talking about sensitive with his senses. I have never met a person who can just think about being tickled and then feel the tickling and begin to laugh. He is incredibly ticklish on his neck. I can just scratch my neck and he gets cold chills down his back and starts to squirm. Now I have to admit that sometimes I use this to aggravate him, how can I resist not to? My least favorite sensitive sense is the smell. He can not change a poopy diaper without becoming grossly ill. And I mean GROSSly ill. I knew he would gag when I changed a diaper and he saw the lovely mess, but honestly we all do that at times. I learned the magnitude of this one Saturday afternoon this past summer.

Hoss was about 8 months old and my mom had come to visit. We decided to go hit up some sales at the mall so we left Hoss with my husband at home. He had already had his 1 poopy diaper for the day (yes, he goes like clockwork...most of the time!) so it did not seem that this would be a problem. About an hour into our shopping trip I get this call on my cell phone:

DH (in a panic voice): "What time are you going to be home?"

Me: "Why?"

DH: "Because he has p*oped." (the "he" was the 8 month old)

Me: "Ok...well I am not coming home just to change his diaper."

DH: "I know, I was wondering if it could wait."

Me: "No, it can not wait."

DH: "Ok, well it is a mess, he got it on the carpet where he was playing and now he has stuck his hands in it (gagging begins)."

Me: "Ok, here is what you do, take him to the bathroom and sit him in the bath tub, without water. Then go back into the living room and clean the p*op off the floor. Then take the clothes off the baby and change his diaper. Give him a bath if you need to."

DH: "Ok....."

Me: "Bye."

About 5 minutes later I get another call:

DH: "How do I get his clothes off?"

Me: "Just unbutton the snaps and take it off over his head." (he had on a onesie)

DH: "Ok....how will I not get poop on him?"

Me: "Well, you might and that is okay, just give him a bath after."

DH: "Ok...when will you be home again?"

Me: "I don't know...maybe an hour. Bye!"

So an hour later my mom and I get home. The mess is cleaned up and the baby is changed, but the story that followed was one I will never forget. Amid the changing processes my husband became grossly ill and vomitted on both himself and Hoss. So he just got in the shower with Hoss and the two cleaned up. I could not believe that he actually threw up on the kiddo. The nasty diaper was also still in the bottom of the bathtub so I proceeded to clean that up and bleached the tub.

We learned that day that squash and Hoss do not get along...at all.

7 comments:

Janelle said...

Oh, that's classic! The poopies get to me sometimes too, but I've never thrown up on my kids :-)

Ang said...

Too funny!! The 1st time hubby changed M... he donned plastic gloves.... Hope you had a good visit home this past weekend! Looks like the kiddos had fun!

Qtpies7 said...

My hubby is a pro changing diapers! Otherwise our hubby's are a bit alike! Both Donnie's with an ie at the end, and both so ticklish that you can tickle them from across the room! My Donnie asked if your Donnie is Norwegian, too.

Sara said...

ROTFL!! Hubbers is a lot squeemish of poops, too and would like to wait for ME to get home from wherever to change the kid.

Lisa B said...

This is absolutely hilarious! My daughter (maybe a month old at the time) was doing her business in her diaper. Hubby came in and whisked her away determined that no daughter of his was going to sit around in a dirty diaper. I warned him she needed to finish. He didn't listen!

He had laid her on the kitchen counter (our diaper changing station at the time), had her legs in the air, and she squirted poopy all over him and the floor. She had a bit of diarrhea and when he held her legs in the air to change the diaper, well, let's just say it went everywhere!

He started gagging but I don't think he ever threw up. He did go on to change other poopy diapers but he was very careful :)

Thanks for sharing this -- I was just stopping by for the party :)
Lisa B.

Hind's Feet said...

OH my goodness. I am sitting here by myself laughing out loud. I can so see that. Oh my! Found your blog through the blog party and just kept on reading. What fun.
Blessings and Shalom,
Kim

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

Glad to hear the big guy toughed it out. He wouldn't have lasted around here . . . hubby had to take care of the kids while I went to class for 4 years. Otherwise, mama would never have been a lawyer. :-)

My poop story is here: http://www.jhsiess.com